here are the many ways you can be a complete douchebag.
1. call me a bitch. really. like honestly. step one to being a douche is calling somebody a bitch if they’re tired or having an off day.
2. pester me about the cuts on my thigh. you’ve asked me once and i shook it off. you asked me again and i shrugged and changed subject. until you brought it up, yet again. seriously. if i wanted you to know, i’d tell you. and you being a dick about it isn’t going to make me want to tell you…c’mon now.
3. being over physical with me. i’m really not that touchy with people. so. c’mon. just get all up on this then. really. it’ll make you a complete douche. so get in my face, and keep annoying me about it. really. you’re on your way.
4. talk about your dick. i honestly could give a shit about your tiny dick. so yeah, keep talking about it. the more you talk about it, the smaller it becomes. so you must have a fuckin nub. douchebag.
5. constantly criticising me. really. i just love being treated like shit by everybody, so when i talk to you, instead of feeling better, i’d love to feel like a piece of shit on the side of the road, so keep doin what you’re doin, asshole.
follow these 5 simple steps and you’ll officially be considered a douchebag by me and after that, you can go fuck yourself with your tiny penis.